So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
