hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this just has baby written all over it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
