The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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