I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
