kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
