he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
