she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
