Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
