Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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