There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
