i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
