Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
