I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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