I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
