Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
