How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
