i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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