I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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