i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
