I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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