I heard we made out
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
