think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
