dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
