Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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