uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
