I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When are your genitals available?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
