***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
