He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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