I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
