I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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