dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
