Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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