I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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