If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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