dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
