I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
