I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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