Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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