btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My balls are so social today.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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