She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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