so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
