Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
