I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My dick has a subreddit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
