Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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