just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
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