New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
