He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
