why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
