Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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