I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
