i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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