Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
