BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it because I queefed?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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