I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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