I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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