tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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