Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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